typical texan

Finally someone has sent in a submission to my dare that I posted on 11/11/2002 (see ”stuck”). I thought I would get a lot more but I guess some of you guys are bashful? All you have to do is download and print out this picture and then drop a giant load of your boy blow all over it.
Email me a photo of your completed artwork by clicking here. Is that so hard?

Funniest thing happened a few minutes ago when I was checking out my stats. I found some old azz review that some guy did of my site way back (I think) in January 2002. He is sort of complimentary but is skeptical about whether or not I am real, as if I’m just some kinda fake person that doesn’t really exist. I wasn’t sure why anyone would think that. Tran then pointed out that that guy Mike from Mike’s Apartment may not be real. You know, where girls have sex to stay at his apartment? No way! Hey, wait a minute, does this mean that the X-Files aren’t real, either? Here is this guy’s review:


Odd thing I like to do: see if “amateur” porn sites are for real.. (Real meaning in this case “yes, these are actually amateur pornographers rather than the usual fifteenth-storefront-for-massive-porn-empire.com.”) So here’s “www.modeltexans.com” (I’m not going to link to it. I have standards. If you want to see it, cut-and-paste it yourself, you lazy perverted bastards) and I’m going through it and running it through the usual “is this real” questions out of curiosity. (No snickering. All the good stuff, as usual, is pay-only, and I have better things to do than masturbate to thumbnail JPGs.)
Okay. Let’s begin.
1. Does the site feature an improbable collection of pretty “teens” who “just love to show off how they fuck and suck”? Well, yes, obviously. Otherwise I wouldn’t be looking at it early in the morning. (Internet pornography is better than coffee, you know.)
2. Do said “teens” look to be in their mid-twenties but with kiddie haircuts and maybe carrying lollipops or something? And here the answer’s no, which is the first point of diversion. I mean, really, if I had a dollar for every popup porn site that had barely-dressed “girls” with giant lollipops in Sailor Moon outfits, I would be a rich, rich man and would have a servant to do this sort of thing for me. 3. Does the site offer any proof of age for said “teens”? And this is interesting because this is the second point of diversion – the webmaster and head porn girl person actually scanned her ID card and put it up for all to see (although I’m not sure what the point of blurring her day of birth is when she’s already let us all know she was born in January of 82). Now, obviously, it’s dead easy to get fake ID. The question is whether or not a porn site would actually be so incredibly desperate for hits that they’d stoop so low as to fake it. (And the answer there is probably yes, given how bad things have gotten for the net-porn industry in general.)
I’m going to sit on the fence as to whether this one’s another site that’s just trying a new tactic to get the dirty old men to pay up – or not. There are arguments both for it being real (the site’s porn girls all seem kind of skankily realistic, and for a porn site, I don’t see a lot of the usual “cum-guzzling facials!” copy that you grow inured to after a month or so of the usual surfing) and for it being fake (for crissake, am I really supposed to believe that a bunch of high school girls in Texas have nothing better to do with their time than make porn for extra money? I mean, aren’t Texans rich? If it was Missisippi, I could believe it more easily).
In any case, let me just say that the world, for better or worse, has come a long way since Jennicam was a major source or erotic thrills.
[posted by Christopher Bird at 8:09 AM]

Okay, so I hope he was kidding about thinking all Texans are rich. That’s like saying we all ride horses and wear cowboy hats and chew tabacco and eat barbeque and own pick-up trucks and listen to country music and throw horseshoes and attend the rodeo and speak with a Texas accent. Are you kidding? I don’t even own a hat.